• When I walk through soot I leave a large carbon footprint.
• Ninety percent of meetings are conspiratorial in nature.
• Sex after 30 is like sex before 30 except without the drive.
• There are more polar bears today than in the 1950's. Yes, they are dying in greater numbers.
• 9/11 is the day that changed everything, including my will to exercise.
• Online dating is the last refuge of scoundrels.
• Gun control is like birth control.
  

Are all proctologists anal?

Do they tailgate?

Generally golfers? If so, do they just play one hole?

Always make par for the course?

Do their patients always make an ass of themselves?

I went to a proctologists and asked for a second opinion. He said "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one." I consider him an authority on the subject.

When a protologist says "This won't hurt you a bit" does this mean he's first?

Does everything a protologist touches turn to shit?

OBL is in the news again after several years. His latest video has been dubbed the "9/11 Anniversary Special." Which sounds supiciously like he's trying to make "career comeback." I'm wonder what format he'll use; Blu-Ray or just Ray?

Apple is drumming up shit again with a new ad "The first thirty years were just the beginning."

Something Big? The next big thing? The newest icon of popular culture about to be released? An iPod you can implant under your skin? Another popular mobile product worthy of theft and a possible murder to obtain?

I personally don't give a shit. I could have written this article myself but somebody beat me to it. Herein lies the disturbing truth regarding the Mac Freak subculture, which is just as stupid as Emo/Scene people gathering on bridges in trendy neighborhoods. At least the word is out.

Interesting article; Efforts For Whites To Appear Colorblind May Backfire:

New research shows that whites often avoid using race to describe other people, particularly in interactions with blacks. However further research reveals that such efforts to appear colorblind and unprejudiced are associated with less-friendly nonverbal behaviors.

"Many whites seem to think that appearing colorblind - avoiding race during social interaction - is a good way to appear unbiased," said Samuel R. Sommers, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology in the School of Arts and Sciences at Tufts University. "Despite that perception that colorblindness may make a positive impression on others, our data suggests that it often backfires."

They are everywhere. You can purchase them in markets and find online Internet greeting cards. In a few seconds, over the Internet, you can wish people well, regardless if they want to be wished well or not. I'm a big fan of online greeting cards because I can filter them out of my inbox easily.

Found this on a forum. The subject was Jimmy Carter and the fact he commented that "Some Christians who I know very well, very devout people, believe a certain interpretation of Revelations, that in my opinion are quite weird."

Someone by the nickname of JoeyCollins pointed out the following:

It's lose/lose for Carter with both the moonbats & the wingnuts.

He's not a "good liberal" because he doesn't hate the "Zionists" enough.

He's pisses off conservatives because he doesn't accept everything Israel does as automatically right.

He pisses off conservatives because he did not/does not use his religious convictions as a wedge issue (like Bush).

He pisses off liberals because he actually has religious convictions.

He pisses off conservatives because he was/is a member of a political party that is "pro-choice," "pro-gay" & reality-based.

He pisses off liberals because he probably doesn't blindly adhere to the notion of evolution as a quasi-religious explanation of creation like all "good liberals" do.

He pisses off conservatives because he is intelligent & thoughtful.

He pisses off liberals because he is really a "big tent" Democrat, unlike the majority of Democrats who post here.

From thejournalnews.com

'Dominatrix' alleges bizarre sexcapade with cop 

GREENBURGH - In X-rated testimony as graphic as a porno flick, a former dominatrix yesterday described a bizarre sexual encounter in the woods she claims to have had with a town police officer.

"He wanted to go to a motel in the Bronx where I would defecate on him, but I told him I was uncomfortable going to the Bronx," testified the dominatrix, Gina Pane, 31, buttoned up in an olive-gray suit with her black hair pulled back in a bun. "I suggested that we go into a woody area. He was very excited."

Face it, Mark Foley is a victim. To forgive is divine. What if you have to continually forgive? I don't have this answer, but it would be great if I did, I would sell it on eBay (Like a good little consumer).

Mark Foley went from a pervert to a victim at warp speed. He is a victim because it is palatable. We all make mistakes. You can understand this right? It wasn't HIS fault because he is a victim of alcoholism, a paedophile clergyman and gay. If he could blame OBL he would.

This is how Mark Foley falls on his sword for the party, from being shifted from the perverted aggressor into the victim. The fact remains, victims don't usually have a choice, aggressors do. With an aggressor gets caught, the survival instinct needs to blame somebody else, usually the victim or becoming the victim themselves. It's as old as the sin itself. This strategy works well on the ignorant because it ultimately blames the observer; You, for not being forgiving of his faults, so ignore the act.

Or "How to burn several hundreds of dollars in 1 minute."

Well, the time of year has passed where we celebrate our nation's independence by shooting fireworks made in China. The sights, the sounds, the smells of burning gunpowder and human flesh are behind us. With the miracle of the Internet, my redneck brethen can acheive fame for a year, until another breaks a fireworks record or gains coverage from the liberal media for missing limbs and property damage.  The fireworks safety coverage from a "Eyewitness News SkyTrac Action Team" is certain.

Fireworks. It's what makes a man in a rural community, or a legend in the trailer park. It's a rite of passage. Sure, we rednecks all cut our eyeteeth on the first missing finger or throbbing thumb. It's the new twist on lighting a firework or the display of a sheer volume of combustuble elements that propels us (or our digits) to fame.